The Beginning

The White Knight Realistic Dildo - £16.99

The White Knight Realistic Dildo – £16.99

The history of sex toys began a staggering 26,000 years ago (23,000 BC). It seems our ancestors were light years ahead of us when it came to sexual pleasure! To talk in terms of priorities, agriculture came 13,000 years after the oldest known dildo, an eight inch stone phallus which was discovered in Germany. Carbon dating puts it back a whopping 26,000 years; who knows if that’s even the oldest?


With all these stone crafted dildos it’s a bit of a surprise that no records of lubricants was found until 350 BC. It seems that olive oil was big business for the Greeks who believed that the smoother sex made pregnancy less likely! The Greeks even gifted the founders of an olive tree, just to show their appreciation for olive oil.

Penis Enlargement

Penis Pump - only £12.99

Penis Pump – only £12.99

Then there’s evidence of penis enlargement, around 200-300 AD. Now these methods seem slightly more painful than our current methods and rightfully so, a good method used was to just rub wasp stingers up and down your manhood. Sounds fun right? Technically speaking, it could work all those stings must cause some serious swelling, but what goods all that swelling when it probably hurt like no other and sex would definitely be the last thing on your mind no matter how much olive oil the Greeks threw at you.

Cock Ring

Double Trouble Vibrating Cock Ring- only £3.99

Double Trouble Vibrating Cock Ring- only £3.99

Ahh, the cock ring. Now these didn’t make an appearance till 1200 AD by the ancient Chinese. It was a stressful time, for you were expected to see to your wife and mistresses regularly. That might sound fun right? Well actually maybe not as fun as you would think (although it probably was let’s be honest here) but there was a reason behind all this “love making” and that was to produce an heir. Better crack on with it too as if you wasn’t up to the challenge you can bet some other dude is ready to step up to the plate. It’s not hard to picture that preforming so frequently under such stress can become challenging.

Bring on the birth of the cock ring although originally made from the eyelids of a goat (eyelashes still intact) these helped whoever was wearing one get on with creating an heir for hours on end.

The Vibrator

‘Vogue’ Little Minx Range Vibrator - £21.99

‘Vogue’ Little Minx Range Vibrator – £21.99

Now let’s skip ahead to the birth of the vibrator. It is 1734 and female troubles need urgent attention. Many suffer with headaches, fatigue, irritability and depression more commonly called “female hysteria”. The treatment is a lot more pleasant than the symptoms as frequent masturbation is to be prescribed. To assist though the friendly family Doctor will always lend a hand. A female suffering from “female hysteria” would have her down below rubbed and played with by a doctor until orgasm, and this was the cure to this terrible illness!

This is where the first vibrator comes into it, named the “Tremossoir” invented in France in 1734. It was then in 1869 that an American physician named George Tayor created the first stream powered vibrator called the “Manipulator”, an awkward device but it did the job for the most part and gave relief for a lot of doctors who complained about suffering from Repetitive Strain Injury and fatigued wrists and hands (those poor poor doctors).

Around the year 1880 Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville created an electromechanical vibrator, this is thought to of created a reworked history of vibrator following his invention. Between the years 1835 and 1920, a man named Gustav Zander designed a device that was often used to reach orgasm, strangely enough the device was designed as an aid to combat eating disorders. This device is on display to this day in the Museum Boerhaave in Leiden.

By 1902, American company “Hamilton Beach” patented the first electric vibrator, this was out for consumer retail as opposed to the medical usage vibrators we’re previously intended for, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified!

Needless to say these home versions of vibrators became extremely popular until they disappeared in the 1920s for reasons that today are believed to be due to an appearance in pornography. This revelation made husbands realize that their wives wasn’t using these vibrators just for medical reasons anymore.

The Mainstream
Angel Rabbit Vibrator - only £29.99

Angel Rabbit Vibrator – only £29.99

Fear not, the vibrator soon made its return in the 1960s the cordless vibrator was patented in March 1968, it was quickly followed by improvements such as multi-speed and one-piece construction, this made them cheaper to manufacture and easier to clean. In the 1980s and 1990s vibrators became mainstream! In August 1998 an episode of Sex and the City featured a character that became addicted to her rabbit vibrator. A Dr named Laura Berman even recommended mothers teach their 15-16 year old daughters the concept of pleasure by giving them a vibrator!

Signed by Beth