How to incorporate sex toys into love making


The rise of the sex toy industry

Introducing sex toys into a couples’ love life is becoming more and more mainstream. A reflection of this is how most women have been to (or at least been invited to) a sex toy party at some point throughout their adult life. In some regions they are in fact fast replacing Tupperware parties!

Sex toys- a female only phenomenon?

Many couples have experienced the added bonus of using sex toys during foreplay and intercourse, but for some it can be daunting and may be a little hesitant. What’s interesting is that we all know that guys love gadgets, but when it comes down to sex toys, women by far outweigh the number of men that use this kind of technology. So the question is, why? And the second question; how do you introduce a vibrator or such like, without it being awkward?

Our sales also reflect that the sex toy industry serves mainly female consumers.

Say hello to my new little friend

See our Little Minx Vibrators (£18.99-£21.99)

See our Little Minx Vibrators (£18.99-£21.99)

As we have learned, sex toys seem to be a mainly female interest. Another thing is that for some men, introducing technology into the bedroom is a little daunting and takes getting used to. So how do you do it? First of all, a little bit of advice would be to NOT whip out your 9 inch Roman Emperor dildo mid foreplay, nor do we recommend attempting to slip a Doc Conrad vibrating butt plug up his ass, as a nice ‘surprise’!

Browse our bestsellers

Browse our bestsellers

The general consensus seems to be that men are more uncomfortable with using masturbation toys during love making than women, which may be down to them feeling emasculated or inferior. What these guys need to know is that sex toys can enhance the pleasure for both of you. The key is to introduce a vibrator for example, without them thinking “are you implying I’m not up to the job?”

So where do you start? Make sure your timing is right (on a first date is probably not appropriate!) Being able to use sex toys together shows a level of trust between you, and can really help you bond as a couple. As soon as you feel comfortable enough with each other to share your thoughts and emotions would be the first step. If you have a few years together you will hopefully be past this point already. Broach the subject by highlighting the benefits as described below.

Benefits of a sex toy in a relationship

The Dream Ultimate vibrator £52.99

The Dream Ultimate vibrator £52.99

Explain that using a sex toy should be viewed as wanting to explore and learn more about each other, and not that you are some rampant pervert! Also make sure that the benefits are obvious. The sex toys will ensure less pressure for the man to make sure you’re left satisfied, leaving more time for him to concentrate on his own fulfilment too.

If you enjoy watching porn together, suggest a movie/clip that involves toys, and gauge their reaction. If you are both enjoying it, say how fun it looks and suggest you try it out of curiosity. Rather than whip out the trusty vibrator you had affectionately named ‘Big Derek’, ask if he fancies visiting this site together and choose some items jointly. Another no no is to get a lifelike dildo bigger than him. Men instinctively place a lot of emphasis upon size, so if a lifelike dildo is your thing he should subconsciously feel superior to it.

Which sex toy is good for a first time?

Clitoris stimulators from £3.99

Clitoris stimulators from £3.99

We would suggest as a first time experience to use an external vibrator, like a clitoral stimulator. Most men don’t get the same pleasure from vibrations but if he is one of the lucky ones then a vibrating cock ring is another option. Holding your new toy against erogenous zones such as the clitoris, perineum or anus can create a new level of pleasurable sensation like no other!

If you both enjoyed the experience, you can begin to add more toys to your collection. It can be a pretty hot experience watching each other masturbate, and you could learn a few things about each other too! Not everyone is open enough to talk about what they do and don’t like during sex no matter how close you are as a couple. This way, you can see how your partner does it themselves – after all, they are the only one who knows what feels best for them!

Use a vibrator on yourself while he watches, and once he sees how wet you are getting, he is sure to be turned on and willing to join in! Let him take over and encourage him when he gets the pace and the angle just right. Making subtle but audible noises when it feels good works well, and this is especially favoured if you have sleeping kids in the next room or thin walls!!

Sex toys for him

Sex toys for him

Ensure to swap roles too… why not buy a Fleshlight for him? Takes notes on how fast or slow he likes it, you can then duplicate this when you’re doing the job! A safe way to have a ‘threesome’ without any insecurities!

By now, you should have discovered the pleasures and intimacy sex toys can bring, and are excitedly asking “What else can we try?!” Well, there is always the butt plug… not every ones cup of tea, but you won’t know unless you try it, right? I think many heterosexual men, unfortunately, tend be a little more cynical about using these on themselves, well in my experience anyway. The thought of being ‘penetrated’ scares the hell out of ‘em! To be fair though, remember that their natural role, to them, is to be doing all the penetrating and not the other way round. However, there are plenty of straight, married men out there who enjoy indulging in the world of anal pleasure. The ‘back-door’ is full of pleasure giving nerve endings, and a little pressure in that area can give extra stimulation during orgasm. He’s not convinced? Then show him how it’s done. Inserting one of these little delights into the female back passage will reduce the space in the vagina, giving it a tighter feel for him. It can also intensify orgasms for you!

Incorporating fantasies into lovemaking

See the Fetish and Fantasy range

See the Fetish and Fantasy range

Moving on, there is a bit of a kinky side in all of us (come on, we’ve all had naughty fantasies at one time or another – even your grandma!) Most people have seen, read, or at least heard about “50 Shades of Grey” so get adventurous and try a little light bondage! Some simple fluffy handcuffs, a blindfold and a playful paddle can bring out the sub/dom in you both. The only thing to remember though – to ensure neither gets too carried away – is to agree on a ‘safe-word’ before you start. If either of you say this word at any point, you must stop. Ignoring this can lead to serious trust issues and could be disastrous in a relationship. Start off slow, and build your collection as you go. You might be surprised what heights this kind of role play can take you to!

Vibrator envy?

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Browse the vibrators

An old friend of mine once confessed he got a little jealous of his girlfriend’s toys, wondering why she wanted to use them when he should be everything she needed. I was surprised at his thinking, but reassured him she wasn’t trying to replace him, it was just a way to experiment together with new things and he should be thrilled she wanted to share the experience with him. Nothing pleases my partner more than if I show an interest in something he is interested in!

Neither of you should ever feel inadequate to a toy. After all – they may give you pleasure but they are not capable of providing the love and emotional bond you share with your partner. Using these ‘tools’ should help you grow as a couple and provide a new level of intimacy. No matter how good the artist, without a paintbrush they cannot deliver. Nothing can replace a person holding you, loving you and making you feel special! Sex toys are used by couples to provide pleasure for both of you, they are designed to make sex with your partner more fun.

So what are you waiting for? Go on… you’re in for a treat! J